I love black thongs
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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