she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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