I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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