she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
