A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
