I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I need to calm my uterus...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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