i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
God I need to hump something, right now.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
