good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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