i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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