Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
