tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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