honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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