I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
so much tequila, so little girl.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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