I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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