I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
