3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
