the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
