Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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