:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize