So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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