Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize