Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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