Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
