It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize