Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Pappa wants mamma naked
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
