I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
