is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
