whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
