at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize