there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
