it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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