i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
