for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
