Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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