I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
