Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
