The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she smelled like a LAN party
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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