I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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