Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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