I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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