You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
