making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
