so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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