dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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