My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
