his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Randomize
