another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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