He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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