Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
