we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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