wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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