OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
