Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
