It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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