So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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