I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
