so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
