Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
