At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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