I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
