white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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