when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My dick has a subreddit
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
