So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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