it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
