Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Everclear isn't food dammit
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
