sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
