Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I will be naked everywhere
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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