Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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